jessica jarblings...

mixed up gardening

2008-10-26T19:02:00.001-07:00

JY: You're barking up the wrong bush.

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Bonus:

JY: Rhyme to my madness. (Reason to my madness + Rhyme and Reason)

courtesy of SK and TY

Piss like a what?

2007-11-14T09:12:00.000-08:00

Someone that I live with said "I need to piss like a camel"!!! I told her that it's racehorse and not camel. Her reasoning is that camels have a big hump and when they need to pee, it's quite voluminous. She looked up the idiom on google and indeed it is racehorse. It said horses are really picky about where the do their business so they hold it and when they need to go, boy do they need to go.

Enlightenment

2007-11-02T19:20:00.000-07:00

So wifey told lil' bro to take his new girlfriend to Chado Tearoom for a date when they are in LA this weekend. I asked her if it seems like he wanted to go. Wifey replied, "I don't think it's his cup of tea". Pun and idiom used correctly! 2 for 1 special!

Just last week wifey was saying how something sucks. She says "there's no use crying over spilled porridge". Her reasoning is when porridge gets spilled there's no use crying over it because it gets all crusty. You can't just pick it up and eat it again. You can still recover spilled milk because you can just lap it up like a cat.

We've come a long way!

Not that funny but still a jarbling

2007-10-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

I don't remember who but we were talking about someone/something. Jessica concluded that this person/thing "marches to the beat of their own drummer". I told Jessica that it's drum, not drummer. She said "how can a drum make a beat. The drummer is the one that makes the beat". Not that funny, but still a jarbling...

Red alert!!!!

2007-09-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

The other day my wife, Jessica, was talking about a friends' "boyfriend situation". In response to a negative attribute about this young man she said, "That should have been a red bell". I replied, "you mean a red flag"? Jessica shouts, "red bell, red flag....whatever"!

no saliva needed

2007-09-09T00:48:00.000-07:00

SK and i were addressing an envelope with checks for our friend's birthday gift. we still have the superhero stamps (worth $0.39). so of course, since postage has gone up, i bought a bunch of $0.01 stamps to bring up the postage to the required $0.41. just now, i walk into SK's room, only to here her say, "these stamps don't stick very well" immediately followed by seeing her lick the back of the stamp. i've just watched her lick the paper sticker backing. i start laughing and fall onto the floor, which causes her to come to the realization that she's just licked the paper backing to self-adhesive stamps. so awesome.

bouncing transport

2007-05-31T23:06:00.000-07:00

jc is chatting with her friend and husband online and asking about their trip in china:

jc: "did you guys ride around on those ricochets?"
her friend's husband: "AHAHAHAHAHA!"
jc: "what's so funny?"
HFH: "you are! it's not called a ricochet!"
jc: "then what is it called?"
HFH: "i'm not telling you. wait till i tell jane about this!"

so then jc asks me what those things are called, where you ride around in a cart and a person is pulling you... i tell her it's called a "rickshaw" and she asks me how it's spelled. then she says, "so then what's a ricochet?" "it's when things bounce off stuff."

art surfaces...

2007-05-31T00:04:00.000-07:00

JC e-mailed earlier to tell me that there was a problem with her bridesmaid dresses and how she had to look for new ones and here's the excerpt:

"The reason why this email is entitled "boooo" is cuz I finally heard back from the bridesmaid dress shop in downtown and they lady told me that due to a manufacturing problem they are not able to get the dresses I ordered in the sizes I need by my wedding date. Argh, I guess it's back to the sketching board for me."

that part in bold italics is the latest jarbling.

2007-05-13T22:25:00.001-07:00

jc bought a wii and she said she was going to leave it in san diego so they don't have to move it around so much while they are in transition before their august wedding...

jc: "until then, i'm keeping it under lock and chain."

of course, ty told her it was "under lock and key" and she doesn't think it works. a chain is more secure, and if it's lock and key, the key is with it, so anyone could open the lock!

i love the rationale.

some kind of earthy matter

2007-05-13T22:21:00.002-07:00

jc declares, "i'm not going to be an optometrist anymore! i'm going to look for a new job. it's time to turn over a new stone."

ty and i are like, "umm, you know it's a new leaf, right?"

jc: "i swear it's a conspiracy! because, who hides stuff under a leaf? it's so flimsy! you know, because they hide treasure under a stone."

you can't make this up! life is great.

lost in translation

2007-05-13T22:21:00.001-07:00

i guess ty and jc were talking how there's not a need to go over something again and again, so she had said, "you don't have to beat a dead cow." ty told her the phrase is "beat a dead horse" and jc went on to explain that her phrase came from another phrase, "stubborn as a cow," to which ty explained that it's "stubborn as a mule." jc normally blames her 4th grade teacher, but this time she's pinning it on her parents, from whom she heard a mandarin idiom that literally translates "to be stubborn like a cow" and how she remembers it that way because her dad is the most stubborn person she knows and was born in the year of the cow.

ty classified this as a 3-parter - the mixing of the two idioms + the correct usage of the mandarin one.

we've suggested that they use these mixed idioms as their wedding table identifiers, rather than the standard issue table numbers.

it's because of slang

2007-03-20T00:11:00.000-07:00

according to JC, you are well-hearsed when you're knowledgeable about something or just really well-prepared.
me: you can say "well-rehearsed"
JC: yea, it comes from "well-rehearsed", but because it's "slang" you don't need the "re" so it's just "well-hearsed."
the rest of us: uh...i think it's well-versed, to be well-versed in something
jessica: oh well whatever.

wrestling move or anti-apartheid activist?

2007-03-20T00:09:00.000-07:00

so the other day, i was at home and susan asked me to name the wrestling move where you put your arm under that of your opponent and bring it around the back of their head. i was like, "half-nelson?" and she started laughing. of course, i asked her why it was funny. she told me that earlier, JC had said to TY that she was going to use that wrestling move on him, but she called it a "mandela." that made me laugh...a lot. i was told that JC had TY look it up on wikipedia because maybe "mandela" was slang for the move.

holding bars

2007-02-26T23:48:00.000-08:00

JC is very upset with her brother because he plans on getting a new dog, when they already have a family dog that only she ends up taking care of... and so JC is telling this to TY and in the middle i hear TY come running out, asking me the phrase that means anything goes in a fight...

me: uh...no holds barred?
TY: ahahaha...
JC: whatever!

of course, i am curious about what she said instead. so here goes:

JC: seriously, i'm going to shoot my brother. no bars hold!

JC's justification is that no bars will hold her back from shooting her brother, hence no bars hold. seriously...so awesome!

happy valentime's day

2007-02-16T20:07:00.000-08:00

valentine's day art by jc, given to ty:

highlight for answer, but only after you really try to guess it:
[2 hearts + beat + ass + juan = two hearts beat as one]

some kind of meat

2007-01-18T17:38:00.000-08:00

in the car going home from westside pavilion, talking about jobs:

JC: "well, someone has to bring home the ham..."
SS: "uh, you mean bacon. someone has to bring home the bacon."
JC: "well, i knew it was some kind of meat..."

hiding stuff under textiles

2006-12-10T15:06:00.000-08:00

talking about scandal and drama...

JC: "...but they just brushed it under the carpet."
SS: "isn't it 'swept it under the rug?'"

you know something i don't know...

2006-12-07T20:30:00.000-08:00

TY: "i have bigger fish to fry..."
JC: "NOOOoooo... it's bigger fish to catch! i know something you don't know!"
TY: "i'm a 100% sure."

JC's defense: "you know when people say that there are bigger fish in the pond..."
SS: "uh...that's plenty of fish in the sea..."
JC: "oh...darn."

JC: "i thought i finally caught him (TY) on something, but lord and behold..."

popular...like flakes

2006-12-06T22:31:00.000-08:00

talking about a brand of handbags/accessories found at nordstrom:

JC: "people were snatching them up like hot flakes!"

the rest of us: "you mean cakes?"

JC: "flakes, cakes, whatever..."

word blends

2006-11-26T22:42:00.000-08:00

JC was talking about a busy restaurant and said, "wow, that place is really hoppinnin'" we suspect she meant "hoppin'" or "happening"

and just now, as she was talking to TY's brother, she said, "with all his insinuendos..." ahahaha... innuendo or insinuations...

good stuff.

correct vocabulary usage

2006-09-19T23:34:00.000-07:00

talking about their recent engagement and where to get married...

TY to JC: "i think your parents don't want to be the sticklers."

SK and SS start laughing...thinking of JC's potsticklers...

JC: "how come he's using it (stickler) in the right context?"

addictive food

2006-09-19T23:32:00.000-07:00

at the redondo beach crab house...

GF: i don't like chinese food because of all the THC they put in it. it makes me really thirsty."

the rest of us: "uh...you mean MSG?"

laughter ensues...

a change in vowel makes all the difference

2006-09-19T23:31:00.000-07:00

JC and TY are getting ready to go running. TY is taking a long time.

JC: TY, hurry! chip chop!

no help from others

2006-08-31T22:24:00.000-07:00

JC: "i'm really surprised no one has corrected me before. i guess they didn't want to rain on my float."

personal pluralizations

2006-08-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

when JC wants to interrupt and take a break, she prefers the phrase "times out"

po-tay-to / po-tah-to

2006-08-22T20:10:00.000-07:00

while having dinner earlier tonight, TY reports that JC had another jarbling over the weekend.

TY: "hey, you had another one."
JC: "no, i didn't!"
TY: "yea...you said 'why does that guy have his hand on her neither regions?'"

laughter ensues in the apartment...

moral un-support

2006-08-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

while shopping at target:

TY [JC's boyfriend] to JC: "hey, look what i found for you..." [points to box labeled "phonics success"]

JC: "..."

over the weekend in san diego, regarding the "old lady":

JC: "TY and his brother were laughing non-stop for 3 minutes. i had no idea what was going on and i didn't know why they were laughing."

establishing blame

2006-08-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

JC: "it's not my fault, my 4th grade teacher didn't teach me phonics!"

JC: "you know...i think somewhere along the line, somebody taught these to me incorrectly. i'm trying to pinpoint who it was."

non-prejedicial singing

2006-08-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

over the weekend, JC discovered that it's not over until "the fat lady" sings. all this time, she thought that it wasn't over until "the old lady" sings.

her rationale: old ladies live longer and will therefore sing longer.

JC: "i don't know why it should be fat lady...are they trying to say fat people are slow? that's not right and it's totally prejudice. old lady makes so much more sense."

JC: "i didn't believe them when they said it was 'fat lady' so i googled it to double check. and then all i could say was 'oh' because they were right."

JC: "seriously...i don't know why it's 'fat lady' - google doesn't even give a good explanation. neither could the people who said it was 'fat lady' and at least i have an explanation. so it should be 'old lady.'

when things aren't good enough...

2006-08-21T21:28:00.000-07:00

JC's favorite exclamations are of her own creation, because the tried and true ones don't cut it:

"lucky goose" - a thousand times better than the old "lucky duck"

calm down + hold your horses = "calm your horses"

garbled + jumbled = "jarbled"

a holier phrase than thou

2006-08-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

phrases and expressions are generally a tricky thing... whenever JC presents something, she prefers "lord and behold" because "lo and behold" just isn't holy enough.

dumplings by another name...

2006-08-21T21:11:00.000-07:00

as we talk about ling ling brand potstickers from costco it is revealed that JC has always called them potSTICKLERS.

her rationale: "...because they stickle to the pan."
her defense: "when we were little we always called them 'guo tie' and i bet some other kid called them potsticklers and that's how i learned it."

at our apartment, they are forever known as potSTICKLERS.